


Broken

by Slice_of_Apple



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, Love Confessions, M/M, Romance, Sleepy Cuddles, Sweet, Sweet Jean Kirstein, Tears, gentle cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26180797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slice_of_Apple/pseuds/Slice_of_Apple
Summary: Jean stays with a broken Eren while he heals.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager
Comments: 8
Kudos: 191





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [kissing the lipless](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1426423) by [andreaphobia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/andreaphobia/pseuds/andreaphobia). 



Jean’s horse is killed by a falling titan, and he ends up riding back in the cart with Eren. He can’t look at what’s left of Eren, so he focuses on the trees streaming past. He tries to rid his mind as quickly as possible of the images that have so recently been burned into it.

Once they are back inside the walls, he leaps out of the wagon, desperate to get away from the wreck that is Eren.

Captain Levi grabs Jean’s arm. “Get him to the sick bay,” he says, nodding towards Eren.

“What?” Jean is horrified. “No! Armin- Mikasa-”

The captain’s eyes flare. “It wasn't a question.” Levi is clearly in no mood for argument. It stands to reason- he just lost three members of his squad.

Jean is forced to walk over and look at Eren’s broken, steaming body. It looks like Eren might literally fall apart at any moment. Jean does his best to tuck in all the dangling bits as he lifts Eren up. He has to bite down hard to stop himself from breaking out in hysterical laughter at the thought of Eren’s arm falling off in the middle of the infirmary.

Jean is standing with the steaming bundle of Eren parts loosely held together when a doctor motions him over.

“In here,” she says, leading Jean to what looks like a closet. “He rests better away from the other patients.” Jean can understand that. The chorus of groans in the infirmary sounds to him like the Second Circle of Hell.

She motions for Jean to put Eren down on the cot that takes up most of the space in the room. Jean does so very carefully. Eren hasn’t yet woken up, and Jean thinks it’s probably better if he stays unconscious as long as possible.

The doctor rapidly checks Eren over. Jean can tell that all she wants to see is that Eren is breathing, his heart is beating, and that there are no wounds that will bleed out in the time it takes Eren to heal. She doesn’t want to waste much time on someone who can self-heal, not when there’s an infirmary full of patients who need more from her than a quiet room. Jean follows her as she walks out the door.

“Where are you going?” she asks pointedly.

“I.. ah... I’m going to help my squad unload.”

She shakes her head. “He needs a sitter. And we don’t have anyone to spare. Back in there, buddy. Once he can sit up, make sure he drinks plenty of water. You could do with some yourself. I’ll be back to check on him later.” She pushes Jean into the closet and shuts the door.

Jean scowls. He doesn’t want to stay. He can’t stand being in the same room as Eren: Eren’s battered, bruised, body, his raw limbs, the gaping wounds. The sight tears at Jean’s heart. He gets by, usually, by ignoring it. He’s very happy to let Mikasa or Armin sweep up the broken pieces of Eren.

The room has no windows, and only a single feeble lamp attached to the wall. Is this where Eren always goes when he’s wounded? To this dank, isolated cell? It’s not really much better than the infirmary, Jean thinks. It’s quiet, though; or, at least, it would be, if it weren’t for the sound of Eren’s harsh breathing as he works to suck air in and out of his broken lungs. His breath steams slightly as he exhales. 

There aren’t any chairs, so Jean sits down on the edge of the cot, his back to Eren. Jean _should_ be able to handle it. After all, Eren can. Armin and Mikasa can. Why can’t Jean? He grimaces at his own frailty. He’s always been weak. Knowing that doesn’t help in any way, though. It doesn’t make it any easier to sit here, listening to Eren choke his way back to life.

Something wet lands on Jean’s hand. He touches his face. He hadn’t realized he was crying. It’s stress, he tells himself. They were just in a battle, for fuck’s sake. It’s a delayed reaction to the carnage. Whatever the reason, he can’t keep it in. He slides down to the floor, buries his face in the edge of the cot and bawls into the bunched-up blankets. He knows he’s lying to himself. It’s really not from the recent battle; he’s become largely inured to that particular nightmare. He’s mostly crying for Eren’s suffering. For the pain. Why does Eren have to go through this every time? Every fucking time, until the time when he doesn’t – when he dies? Is this how it really has to be? That the only way Eren knows he’s still alive is because his body is screaming in agony? That it’s only going to be over when he’s cold and lifeless? Erased? Gone forever?

“It’s okay, Jean,” says Eren. His voice is like the scrape of a knife against stone.

Jean jumps. He hadn’t known Eren was awake. He hastily wipes his eyes and nose. He wonders how Eren knows it’s him; his eyes are still shut.

Jean doesn’t have any explanation to give for his tears, no witty quip to cover up the feelings. Funny thing about being in this horrible room, about Eren not being able to open his eyes. It kind of frees Jean up to say things he might not otherwise have said.

“I hate to see you… suffer,” he croaks. 

“I thought you loved to see me suffer,” rasps Eren. "I thought that was one of your missions in life, to make sure I suffer." It ends on a choking cough, and Eren spends a few desperate seconds trying to get his breath back. Jean hovers ineffectually, trying to remember how the first aid he’s learnt would help prevent Eren from suffocating on his own tissues. He’s about to dash out and fetch the doctor when it suddenly ends, and Eren is back to a semblance of breathing again.

“Course it is, asshole,” Jean says shakily; it’s obvious that he’s lying.

“It doesn’t hurt that much. This time’s not so bad,” says Eren. If this isn’t so bad, Jean is glad he hasn’t been here when it _is_ bad.

Eren’s hand, if it can be called a hand- it’s missing three fingers, and the rest is a pulpy mess- reaches out blindly. It somehow finds Jean and awkwardly pats his head.

Isn’t that just like fucking Eren, to comfort Jean when Eren himself is lying fucking mangled on a bed, half his body torn apart? Jean’s heart feels like it’s going to rip in two. In a way, he’d like that. Maybe he’d finally get some relief. Instead of having to wake up every day, take another breath, keep moving forward through this endless horror.

“C’mere,” wheezes Eren, patting the sliver of cot between himself and the wall. “Lie down.”

“There’s no room,” says Jean.

“Yes, there is. Armin and Mikasa always lie down with me. You just have to move me over. I can’t do it myself,” he adds apologetically.

The apologetic tone is what gets Jean. Why is Eren fucking apologizing for being a pulpy mess?

He quickly gets up so Eren doesn’t have to say anything else. He pulls Eren’s body as close to the edge as he dares. He’s as gentle as he can be, but Eren still hisses as his body moves.

“I’m sorry!" Jean cries out.

“It’s okay,” Eren gasps. “I’m okay.”

Jean waits until Eren stops panting, then gingerly squeezes in between Eren and the wall. He settles in next to Eren’s broken body. It’s giving off a pleasant heat in this cold room.

Eren’s eyes are welded shut, but he has enough of his face left for Jean to still think that it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. The thought of Eren being dead, or of himself being dead for that matter, hits Jean with renewed force. It prods something out into the open that Jean has fought to keep hidden for a very long time. He finds that he has an overwhelming desire to say it out loud, so it's been put into actual speech at least once, before it’s too late. Even so, it takes time for the words to surface. In the meantime, Eren’s breathing slows, grows less laborious. .

“I love you, you fucking maniac,” Jean finally whispers. It's not elegant, but it's there. He's done it.

There is a long silence. Jean’s just letting out a sigh of relief- Eren must have fallen asleep, Jean's feelings are still safely private - when Eren says, “I know.” 

Jean can't help grinning even though his heart is pounding. “Fuck you." He pokes Eren very gently in a part of his stomach that is still whole.

“Yes, please,” says Eren. Jean’s eyes widen. His stomach flip-flops crazily. Does that mean what he thinks it means? He can just make out a faint dusting of pink on the parts of Eren’s face that have skin.

“Once I’ve regrown the necessary body parts,” Eren adds seriously, a moment later, as though he feels it’s important to clarify this point with Jean.

Jean snorts. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Instead, he leans over and very carefully kisses the blushing cheek that is closest to him.

“Shut up and rest, moron,” he says; he can't stop his voice from trembling slightly.

“Is that a yes?” asks Eren, his one remaining eyebrow lifted. "About you and me?"

Jean grins again. Eren's not going to let anything like a ruined body get in the way of sealing the deal while the moment is ripe. Jean can feel him tense up as he waits for Jean’s reply. Even though Jean’s heart feels wider than it has in a long time, he takes his time to respond. He knows that he has to mean whatever he says next. It has to be real.

“Yeah,” he says at last. “That’s a yes.”

Eren lets out a whoosh of air, and Jean feels his body relax. “I’m gonna hold you to that,” he whispers drowsily. 

“I know,” says Jean. “I know you are, you crazy bastard.” _My crazy bastard_ , he thinks, feeling a wild exhilaration.

Eren smiles, and his breathing relaxes further. Jean drops his head down onto the sliver of pillow that is his. He is suddenly exhausted. It’s been a long day, and it’s actually pretty comfortable in this closet. As long as he’s with Eren.

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by the fantastic post "kissing the lipless" by andreaphobia (see link). Highly recommended if you haven't read it already. My apologies if this has too many similarities to that one - that one is so good.


End file.
